DEAR ABBY: I just left a verbally and physically abusive relationship. I suffer from mental illness, and “Scott” made it worse. We lived together for almost four years. I could beat myself up over deciding to live with him. He’s an alcoholic, narcissistic, bipolar, sociopathic liar who swears he’s a man of God. Scott kicked me out countless times during the time we lived together, knowing I had nowhere to go. Five months ago was the last time.
I still love him and care for him, but I learned last month that he met someone at AA and took her in. She had been living with him until yesterday. We were still “together” until two weeks ago but without any romantic encounters. I am torn to pieces over this man. It has taken me over and who I was as a person.
Scott has a history of abuse. He has a criminal record for killing an animal when he was staying with someone. I didn’t stay clear of him because I was sucked in by his charm. I am now living with a friend and seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist who are doing NOTHING for me! Scott and I were engaged. We were going to get married pending his being sober for a year, which never happened. I don’t know what to do. Please help. — BROKEN WING IN MINNESOTA
DEAR BROKEN WING: As I read your letter, I hear the strains of Cole Porter’s “So in Love.” PLEASE look up the lyrics because they describe you accurately. What you need to do is continue talking with your therapist and getting meds from your psychiatrist until they help you undo your fixation on someone who, if your description of him is accurate, is a sociopath and incapable of loving anyone. Until you can do that, your story will not have a happy ending.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 66-year-old woman, married with two daughters. I am also 5-foot-2 and weigh 108 pounds. This is not something new. But whenever there is a gathering with my in-laws, at least one of them says I need to put meat on my bones — in those exact words. I think it’s rude and offensive. I am certainly not telling any of them to take meat off their bones.
I cannot help my size, metabolism or genetics, and I am tired of the comments. These people have known me for 39 years. I have always been this size. I don’t know what to say to them. I no longer care anymore about being kind. — SLIGHT IN OHIO
DEAR SLIGHT: If you really don’t care about offending the offenders, take off your kid gloves. Tell your in-laws you have tolerated their comments for too long and to quit doing it because you don’t like it. If, heaven forbid, they say you are “too sensitive,” ask them how they would like being told they are too heavy and that their perfume smells like garbage. (I’m sure you can think of something once you stop laughing.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
