Jacqui Furneaux
An affair, a stalker and a sudden act of violence are undeniably massive, disruptive occasions.
For three individuals, they did not simply alter the course of their lives – they reshaped them utterly.
Over time, the have rebuilt their confidence and identification. They share how they did it with Dr Sian Williams, host of Radio 4’s Life Changing collection.
I’ve learnt to be blissful with myself
Jacqui Furneaux
At 49, Jacqui Furneaux, a nurse and mom of two from Bristol, had an affair which ended her marriage, however utilizing her divorce settlement to fund a journey around the globe, changed her life forever.
She says her daughters knew of the affair “a long time before I thought they knew” and regardless of shifting in with the man she left her husband for, “it didn’t work out”.
“I hated myself. I felt I’d ruined a perfectly happy family,” Jacqui says.
Overwhelmed by guilt, and embarrassed she fled the nation in a bid to flee her unhappiness, reserving a one-way ticket to Bangok. It was the beginning of a seven-year journey internationally – from Thailand to Laos, via Pakistan and onto India – which in the end helped her come to phrases with her life and decisions.
Her most vital choice was a relationship with a Dutchman, 17 years her junior, who she met in India. He was travelling via the nation by motorcycle and requested her to hitch him on the again of his bike.
“I’d been in India for long enough to know that the bizarre is normal,” she says. “I thought how often is life going to offer me this opportunity.”
Eventually she purchased her personal bike. She stated taking the leap to have a long run relationship with somebody she’d solely met for two days undoubtedly enriched her life though the pair cut up up after three years.
It was solely when her daughter requested her how for much longer she was going to be away as they “need a mother” that she realised she was nonetheless liked and wanted.
“I hadn’t forgive myself for the affair and I didn’t think anyone else would either – I thought I would be forever in disgrace.”
Decades on, she says she’s forgiven herself “more or less” however the principle factor is that she is “learning to be happy with myself”.
While she is not encouraging individuals to observe the identical path as her, her travels have taught her a lot about herself.
“Everyone can push their boundaries a little bit to raise confidence,” she says.
‘I give attention to what I can do’
Angela Tilley
Angela Tilley was impartial and fearless as a teenager however her confidence was shattered on the age of 16 after she grew to become the goal of relentless stalking in her first job.
The undesirable consideration continued for greater than a yr, with threats, emotional manipulation and disturbing behaviour, none of which was taken severely at work.
When the man was lastly transferred, Angela felt reduction, however quickly after, she skilled her first panic assault on a practice.
“I didn’t know they were called panic attacks. I just thought I was perhaps going mad,” she explains and remembers pondering: “Am I going to faint? Am I going to have a heart attack? Am I going to make a complete fool of myself in front of all of these people?”
The assaults began to change into extra common and have been “an overwhelming bodily feeling” which left her fearful of being “trapped” and steadily, on a regular basis conditions – commuting, buying, sitting in visitors – grew to become insufferable.
Diagnosed with agoraphobia, Angela compelled herself to maintain going. She married, raised youngsters, tried therapies, learn books and repeated the mantra “feel the fear and do it anyway”.
The actual breakthrough got here in 2015, when she purchased a motorhome with her husband.
They would usually borrow her mother and father’ caravan and the pair had at all times thought a motorhome is likely to be a good factor.
Carrying her “home” with her gave Angela a sense of management she had by no means had earlier than.
“It opened up my life and the more I challenged the big stuff the better the smaller challenges in my life became,” she explains.
Trips that after felt unattainable slowly expanded from a 50-mile radius to journeys throughout Europe.
“I can’t do everything but I try to put my focus on the things I can do rather than the things I can’t,” says Angela.
‘I used to be advised I’d by no means see once more’
Ed Stewart
Ed Stewart with Dr Sian Williams
In 1977, Ed Stewart was a carefree 17-year-old with a new engineering job, a girlfriend and a motorcycle.
Then, at a celebration, his life changed right away. After Ed challenged one other teenager who was making threats, the boy raised a shotgun and fired “right between my eyes”.
Although the cartridge contained no shot, the blast of cork and gunpowder devastated Ed’s face. “It blew my face to pieces basically,” he recollects. “Straight away I was blind.”
Lying on the bottom in agony, he remembers pondering, “God, please don’t let me die. I don’t want to die.”
In intensive care, the ache was “excruciating”, and though he knew he was “totally blind” he tried to not “dwell on it”.
Registered blind, Ed admits he did “some stupid, stupid things” in an try and really feel regular, together with standing on the sting of a multi-storey automobile park. “I think it was a cry for help,” he says now.
A yr after the incident he was moved to a rehabilitation centre in Torquay which purchased each anger in addition to alternative.
When advised he would by no means see once more, Ed “flew into a rage”, however a piano on the centre sparked a new path.
“I’d just sit there most evenings, tinkling on it,” he says and that curiosity led him to coach as a piano tuner.
Years later, Ed determined to bear a dangerous surgical procedure at Moorfields Eye Hospital to take away a clot from his eye.
The gamble paid off and inside 4 months he may see once more in a single eye, a second which he describes as “incredible”.
Suddenly he may see his personal face, and he may additionally witness different individuals’s reactions for the primary time. “You’re self-conscious about that. It will always be there.”
There are instances when he thinks, why me? But it does not final lengthy. “I’m lucky to be here,” he says.
An inventory of organisations within the UK providing assist and knowledge with a number of the points on this story is obtainable at BBC Action Line
